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In any marriage, can either spouse provide all that the other one needs?   The question gets to some deep issues that can arise over the years of marriage.  Even when both of the spouses realize that their needs are greater than the other can exclusively supply, danger still lurks.

It is the danger that one, or both of the spouses, will interpret the turning of the other to someone else for certain need satisfaction as an act of rejection, an act that says “you are not adequate.”  If the one making that interpretation already suffers from a sense of inadequacy or an inferiority complex, the pain can be very deep.

Let’s add to that the fact that when two people are deeply in love, they both will want to be the perfect spouse for the one they love entirely.  Living with the failure of that dream can be extremely painful.  And, then there is the fear that at some point the one that is completely loved by the “failure” will walk, and the lover-“failure” will from that point on live with a complete sense of having been rejected, of being non-acceptable.

Some people try very hard to please others.  Sometimes they are successful.  Other times they are not.  The more remembered incidents are those of failing to please the other person.  With each failure another nail is hammered into the already sensitive spirit.

Can the memory ever become free from the pain of those nails?  Can the self-protective behavior of maintaining a wall between self and others ever be demolished?  Can you ever overcome the pain of hurting someone you love?  How well can you live with yourself when the one you failed is both the one you love and the one who cannot come to forgiving you?

 

 

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