“Good to hear from you, Jim. I am glad the astronomy piece hit home. I thought it was tremendous as well, but I don’t have your background to appreciate it as fully as you can.
“Your prayer — many thanks. The adjustment continues to be a project. I go through all kind of mental gymnastics dealing with sadness and the incredible sense of missing her. While out walking last night, I kept asking myself how much she would want me to be so melancholy when I am alone. I look for the balance and haven’t yet fully found it. On one end is “missing her” but I don’t want to lose that because of what I am afraid it implies. On the other end is “getting on with my life”; I don’t like what that may also imply. I think she would say, “I am a big girl now, and you don’t have to worry about me. Deal with the hand you have been dealt, and stop living in the past”.
“That is something you, Jim, would say also, I think. I just am having some trouble getting to that, as if I would be dissing her if I took that step. She would laugh at that, and tell me to grow up. I am just having trouble “growing up.”
“Oh well, you see where I am some of the time.”
“My dad and my father-in-law went through the same things. After the many years of being together, it’s understandable and the agony is real. Time will help but the first year was so hard for my dad. Although you have faithfully fulfilled your vows to her, you can’t remove so big a part of your life without having it hurt.
“All the things you said are true and you know that they are true. You need to move on at your own pace and grieve as you see fit. Don’t let any of us try to mold you into something we think you should be doing.
“I guess as I look at your situation, the hardest thing to deal with would be the loneliness. All the things you did together and all the places you visited together are only memories. How do you fill that void? I don’t know and don’t have any answers; just prayers for you.
“Hang in there. We miss you and feel for you.”